'You're a First Time Mum'

Your MIL sounds like an insufferable human being. I’d be so snippy and literally instantly veto any time the idea of her coming over was brought up. Seriously, you’ve got 7 other grand babies that must need you gtfo Also I’d be shitting n my partner about not having my back, cut the fucking umbilical cord and grow a pair. Sorry. But you have it rough queen.

Your MIL is toxic! I'm so sorry. It might help to get a therapist who specializes in assertive communication, boundary setting and relationships to help manage her. Try not to give in and be careful about accepting her help. The people we let help us expect and take power over our decisions. It's such dumb logic to say that having kids means you know what you're doing. Just because you have done something before doesn't mean you knew how to do it right. Also, everyone deserves to do things differently than their parents and grandparents. We want to be better, not the same.

Personally, I got very annoyed. I was raising kids by the time I was 5–not joking. Until I was 18. Then I met my husband who had a child. I got all sorts of ridiculous advice I knew was bs. My stepchild and I got along great, the first wife and I got along great, my newborn was healthy, and I was doing “it all.” It wasn’t until my husband had an accident and 1st was demanding money due to evil stepmom I no longer catered to I had to carve out “hey we don’t have money” and I was so used to courts I had it together and it passed. I was the one who got them on his disability bc I know what it is to raise a child. Stepmom flaked, I’ve been doing it all but constantly ridiculed to do better. I want to do better. It may be an excuse but I’m battling my own mental health, my husbands health/mental health, his grandmothers health/mental, all our kids school/health/mental health, plus my physical disabilities, and severely tight finances.

Ugh… what a pain. I would loose it at some point! 😅 But let’s be honest, lots of mothers do the same. Try disagreeing with someone on this app and they’ll come back with: when you have your child you’ll understand, or you can’t understand unless you have 2 under 2, or you say that because you have a girl/boy. Some people can only validate themselves this way… 🤷‍♀️

wtf 😳 Tell her, I’m sure she wasn’t all experienced when first time mum either ! You will ask her if you think u need her help, but do not patronise you. You appreciate she is trying to help but she is crossing the boundaries. And men like that who gives into their mum, like bruh u knew how to make babies but have no initiative in how to learn more abt babies ? I swear my mum n mil were like so, at first I gave it but they started crossing the boundaries, then I started getting frustrated which is why I started arguing back. My husband would give in previously to avoid his mums dialogues but I wasn’t happy mum and my child wasn’t happy too. Tell her it’s not like old days, research hv changed now ! U should speak up, don’t easily give in to shut her mouth. And dnt listen her abt ur bfding journey, old ppl thinks thick baby means healthy like 😒 my mum told me to feed my child food every 2 hrs, like she did to me apparently n would insult me now saying ewww u shat so much ! I

I said, my child isn’t me n m not you ! My child now is 2, eats same foods as us n touchwood is perfectly healthy and thriving in her milestones. My mil n mum r abroad, they used to b over bearing but I stopped listening as of now. They’ve stopped teaching me coz I set the boundaries. You hv to talk to ur partner n tell him how u feel, make him ur side n teach him how to let his mum know she is coming across as too patronising ! Argh I happily argued with my mum n mil at one point it was vessel whistle for me. So better to take early stand

I’d want to tell her to piss off 😒 nobody knows your child better than you. She sounds impossible x

Mine is exactly the same, always comments about the breastfeeding. The yoghurt thing has actually killed me off 😂 wtf is wrong with them!!!

My MIL was like this, had a massive bee in her bonnet about me breastfeeding. Couldn’t help herself to make jibes at any opportunity. I tolerated this for a few months, but then started making comments back. My husband is a complete wet lettuce when it comes to his mother and would probably stand by and let her murder me 😅

Boundaries I had the same issues with my parents and grandma until I curse them out. They still make comments sometimes saying sn’t milk might not be enough then I give them the look. Other times they’ll be amazed that he only drinks milk because he’s 6 months and looks like he’s 8 months. They’re from the time they had to give babies formula and porridge and over feed them so they could go to work. It’s like unbelievable to them that milk only can do the job. Sometimes I’ll make formula just to shut them up. But guess what! He does NOT drink it. 😂😂😂😂😂 Tell your MIL you don’t appreciate her comments and just because it’s new to you doesn’t mean your incapable. You value her opinion but if she has to put you down or brush off your views then you’ll excuse yourself from her life. You don’t need that toxic ness

Having kids doesn’t make someone a qualified or good parent. I know people with 4+ who should have never had 1.

I would tell her she could either shut her mouth and let ME be the parent, or she wouldn't be seeing my child anymore. Not that you should have to explain yourself in any way, but next time she mentions LO needing to put on weight, just firmly say, "Thanks for your concern, but it's not necessary. LO's doctor doesn't think there's any problems, so I think we're on the right track."

sounds like your partner needs to have a serious word with her and tell her to back off. you’re his mum and you know what you’re doing. how insufferable 😮‍💨 my MIL has 6 kids and 4 grandchildren and sometimes it surprises me with how oblivious she is with some things, especially safety, and me as a FTM knows more than her! for example, she didn’t know grapes were a choking hazard and didn’t know she had to cut them up. just goes to show having more kids doesn’t always mean you know more

Sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s so annoying! I have to admit I laughed out loud at her finishing his yogurt just to prove a point 😅🤦🏼‍♀️

I’d stop inviting her over and be more direct with your responses. Respect goes both ways, don’t put up with her crap, I wouldn’t spend any of my precious baby time with her

Oh no I couldn’t cope with her! She’d get told straight. This is not your baby so back off. Like you say you know your baby the best and also we all were first time mums once.

If i had a dollar for everytime someone said: "she isn't getting enough milk from you, you need to add formula" Ughhhh I totally ignore as my baby was gaining weight, was happy and had enough wet and dirty nappies. I don't want people's advice messing up my supply. I'd say even as a FTM you know your baby's needs better than anyone else.

Ftm is such a bad way to talk about a mom. FTM or not you are the one that knows. Your mil sounds awful. I would put some serious distance with her so she knows where her place is.