None default parent problems

Gosh where to even begin… my husband just told me a few things and I’m not really sure how to help him fix this. He feels isolated like the only time me or the kids engage with him is when we want something from him. We have had a difficult few years (felt like roommate status for at least 3yrs) we went to counseling and are still working speaking each others love languages again everyday (his are words of affirmation and acts of service) But he feels like he is being in a way rejected by us. The thing is with us being in that roommate stage for so long I didn’t want to engage him in conversation or really anything I’ve been a married single mom for so long I think we just all learned to kind of live without him… sounds awful I know but I’m the default parent to both my kids and I think he is finally starting to realize he wants them to want him more sometimes than me. The problem is he used to snap at them anytime they would come to him or he would just be visible annoyed especially cause our now 5yr old talks none stop. Idk how to fix this I’m gonna start trying to engage with him more but idk has anyone else had this issue and what helped. TIA

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Currently dealing with this situation. I have found it helpful to try and set times throughout the week where we can be alone to connect. Speaking love languages is a small act that can truly go a long way. As for the connection with the kids he could try to take them to go do things without you not only does this give him that time to connect with his kids but time for you to relax as well. It is a lot of work to try and rebuild that relationship especially on top of the responsibilities of being the default parent.

What do you each want to have in 6 months, one year, or 5 years. How do you see your lives? What future can you dream about together? What things brought you together in the first place? It can be hard to get men to shift gears and relax and enjoy their kids. That’s great that you both are willing to put in the work. Keep going! It sounds like growing pains in a relationship. Cheering for you!

We were in that situation for a while too. Honestly time is the only thing that will help. Maybe just keep reminding yourself and your kids 5hat they have 2 parents? That's what I do. My husband is always working and my 2yr is a Velcro baby so he gets upset that our son only wants me all the time and I get frustrated because a break would be nice lol. I'm constantly telling him "go bug Dada" "what's Dada doing, it looks fun" stuff like that to get him interested in dad. My 11yr old is still adjusting to "having " 2 parents so still mostly comes to me for stuff but I usually tell her to ask her dad even if he isn't home I have her text him All that being said we have been married almost 8yrs, the first years were rough, then we were separated for a while still living together (my daughter and I spent most of the time at a friends house) almost divorced, things got betterish, then I got pregnant and we went to roommate status (he was very lazy with the baby), it wasn't until about 8 months ago he finally

Grew up and realized what he was doing to our family and things have been amazing. Honestly relationships are hard work and getting back the intimacy part is hard , I started reading a lot of really smutty books to get back to wanting him. There was a long time I didn't want him to look at me much less touch me but now we are better

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