Opinions?

Hey ladies, (long read sorry) So I’ve just had a discussion with my husband that turned quite heated and I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by it so I wanted to get other’s opinions. So we were talking about how realistic we would be with our children, for example if our daughter came up and said I want to be a princess what would your reaction be? My husband said he would tell her that she can’t be a princess because it’ll create unrealistic expectations for her and he’s not lying to our children. I told him that it’s not good to do that because it’s going to dull her imagination and if she really loved princesses she will loose interest and be hurt because he’s ruined it for her, sometimes lying to children protects their innocence. It then lead to the conversation of how we were brought up differently, I loved everything Disney and mystical and fairy’s when I was little and that lead me to be a very creative imaginative child however he was told from young that fairy’s aren’t real and Santa isn’t real and he had a “realistic” upbringing. His argument is that he still had fun as a child and he didn’t believe in any of it. But for me that was the best part about childhood because your so pure and you don’t have to see the dull world you can believe in those things. It then lead to me asking if your child saw on the news that a man was arrested for something really bad like rape and asked you why he went to prison what would your response be? For me I would tell my child (5 yr old) that he was a bad man and did something bad to hurt someone so now he’s being locked up so he can’t hurt anyone else and it’s a consequence of his actions. My husband said he would say he raped someone and if our child asked he would explain what rape is. This completely angered me, I understand creating realistic expectations for a child and not lying to them about fantasy play, but no 5 year old should hold the weight of understanding what rape is and they won’t even be able to comprehend what that is at that age. I get there’s no right and wrong way of parenting and some parents are realistic with their kids and don’t like to lie, so what’s everyone’s opinions and how would you react to the question above? Xxxx

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I think it all needs to age appropriate. Childrens should learn about their bodies and what is acceptable and what isn’t from a young age but this can be done in a child friendly manner. I doubt I’ll go into details about rape when it’s brought up in that way with my child at the age of 5. But I will make sure she knows that no one is to touch her body in certain ways etc. Not letting your child play imaginative games because it’s not realistic is crazy to me. Ive never understood the whole Santa is lying thing either. I’ve never heard of a child having issues or trauma because they were led to believe Santa was real. I think the world has gone a little mad where that’s concerned. There’s certain situations where one on lie to my daughter, but I’ll certainly let her play and encourage her imagination.

I absolutely agree that children need to be able to believe in these things until they work it out themselves, sometimes small lies do protect them from the cruel world we live in and children have the best imagination. I think that certain things should be age appropriate, no 5yo is ever going to understand "rape" however i think safe words are great for children. So the big guy "santa" in our house the only one who knows we're actually santa is my almost 13yo step daughter who believed up until 2 years ago, we then told her about the "big elf club" where you get to keep the magic alive for younger children and she gets money to go buy one family member of her choice a gift from santa x

The way we will be bringing our daughter up and this is just our parenting because myself and my husband have already had conversations about this. So the first question regarding princesses, let their imagination explore and it isn't unrealistic either, yes she may not be part of the royal family (you never know though as the world works in mysterious ways) but there are so many jobs though where they get to dress up as Disney princesses (Disneyland for example), also being allowed to have an imagination makes you believe you can be what you want to be, this can then lead to confidence which means she could aim high in what she wants to be in life. The second one regarding someone going to prison, I've had past trauma so our daughter will know that her body is hers and noone gets to do anything with it that she's not comfortable with and if she isn't sure about anything then she can ask me and her dad about it, we would not use the word rape though, as there are child friendly words and things you can do x

@Sophie this is exactly what we will be doing too, children need to dream and have imaginations. Absolutely they need to know their body is theirs and no one else's

When we are doing imaginative play my son will know it's not real. He will know he's not really a prince or a king, (or princess we do not discriminate in my house) but it's still fun to dress up and have fun in that way. And it's a great teachable moment at any age. I will not tell my child that there is a Santa Claus but he can still learn about Santa Claus and dress up as Santa but he will know Santa Claus is not real and he does not come to our house or anyone's house. I do believe I was told too many lies as a child and I will not be lying to my child because it sets unrealistic expectations for adult life. 5-Year-Olds are not given enough credit. You can definitely explain something to a child in a child-friendly way and then be able to take it in without being traumatised. Also, with the rape scenario, it is a great teachable moment. I would tell my child that someone is going to prison because they touched someone else's body without permission. I would explain what body parts are off limits

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0RalXBoskh/?igsh=MWszdThyMmpseW5jYQ== Really interesting discussion. I watched this video around Christmas about Father Christmas and plan to take a similar approach when the time comes. All discussions about crime and bodies must be age appropriate in my opinion.

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