Money...
Show your support
My fella is also terrible at saving, soon as he gets his wages on a Friday, by the Monday his wages are all gone. I'm paying for our wedding all myself, he's not put a dime towards it and all he cares about is his stupid cars which buys cheap bangers then needs to sell and buy another or fix them all the time. Previously we had separate money it worked great his was for his passions aka cars and that and mine did what I needed for kids and my horses, now we live together, no such thing as working tax, we now on uc so what hours he works impacts the uc we get. I feel angry I don't get a say over money anymore, I bought him 1 car its now sat at my ex partners needing scrapping, but moans and expects uc to pay for his car to be fixed when he could scrap the other and use that to fix it. Will he probs not he will expect uc that I rely on to last me over the month and he has his wages at 600 a week once he gets paid off his new job. I'm just so tired 😫 I have priorities with my own bills being self employed.
@Vantasia very good and level advice, thank you x
I personally would get a contract drawn up so when it comes to selling, if you ever broke up, you get what you put into the improvements back aswell as the 40k. At the end of the day it’s both your home and he should equally contribute to home improvements (my personal opinion). He’s not going to and I don’t think you should miss out on making your home nice for your family but he actually can afford it. I guess that’s why I’m saying be a little bit harsh. I’m rubbish with money as I have ADHD and I’m very impulsive, but I’ve had to learn to be better to ensure I’m paying my way as equally as possible whilst on maternity, and I have enough for my baby. He can do the same, he’s choosing not to. I would also suggest sitting down and looking at where his money is going and if he can make some sacrifices to get some money to contribute x
If I were you I’d stop topping up your shared bills account in order to put the money to the house improvements. So as you wouldn’t be able to top it up he would have to put some money towards it in order for you not to be in dept. Means he’ll have to get better at dealing with his money while watching the joint account while you get the house that you love ! Somewhat of a win win
@Ki I agree. I have a personal friend who is going through what above wrote and they broke up now she’s getting half of the house even though he put all the money in but bc they’re was nothing written and he didn’t keep receipts she will get half of what the house is retailed at NOW even though it’s gone up almost $100,000 in the last 10-12 years
To add to context I'm self employed and get support threw uc to top up what I should be earning. But he treats the money like his own plus his wages so I feel like I can't do anything. I'm tempted to sell my two horses just to give myself a handful of cash to live on that is mine. I hate asking men can I have x money for this or that it's so demoralising. Women in my eyes should always always have their own cash. Even my wages go on everything other than back into my business. I feel like a total failure most days.
My husband is great at paying bills but terrible at budgeting (he blows through money like crazy and doesn't think about saving a dime). The past 4-5 months we started a new strategy that's been working so well for us! Instead of "who pays more for bills" we do it the opposite way - we both get to keep $200 as personal spend money and the rest goes to bills and savings. It's been a game changer
I second what Sarah said. I'm nowhere near as bad as your husband but my husband is better. So I have a monthly allowance. I send the rest to hubby who combines his and my income to pay our house, all the bills, our cars and put the rest into savings accounts. We talk about all the big purchases, furnishing our house since we just moved and he keeps track of how much we can spend on the extra stuff without dipping into savings too much. If you truly want to combine finances as partners you should suggest this to your husband. You both get a reasonable allowance and then the rest of the month goes into bills and savings. If he wants to buy something expensive for himself he needs to save up his allowance
Nope, hide your money. You should have some saved for yourself and only you. It’s fine to share money but if you’re both contributing to bills and he’s spending and you’re saving then it’s not really fair.
Just wondering if one of you has personal bills the other doesn’t have. Tv subscriptions, in app purchases, insurance, wifi, gym membership, etc. Is everything split or is he paying for extra things he doesn’t need?
I would wait until he has his half to put up. Maybe you guys can talk and each have a set amount that one another has to put away so ask him what he’s able /willing to put away and match him. As for the 9 months thing on maturity leave that kinda stings to hear I’ve been there before. Only thing I can say is to talk to him and let him know how you feel when he makes being a SAHM seem like your free loading. I would also remind him of daycare costs because it’s not free and he should be glad that your little one is home safe with mom. I would also maybe not put out there how much you’ve contributed to what he has. Men will almost always get defensive because they’re job is to provide (in their mind) so he feel like your attacking him by saying “well I’ve put in so and so”.